*time to panic folks*

Grrreat, I just found out on facebook that I have a 10 year high school reunion in three months. Sigh, how on earth am I to drop ten years worth of stress eating in just three months! Anyone out there have any miracle cream or a plastic surgeon on speed dial?!

*Histories delicious mysteries*

Everyone knows that all families keep secrets, those little things that they go to the death to protect. Some things are just so terrible that little ol' ladies will boldly lie to family and friends faces, to their last breath if necessary. Some of these things are personal histories, some are serial killer aunties in foreign lands, more shockingly still, recipes! My family's dark little secret falls into, well, mainly the latter.

We are proudly Croatian. We hoot and holler as we watch Croats flying down the slope at the Olympics, we go to the mother land to serve missions for our church, and we even terrorize little campers as we take over massive reunion sites with hundreds of people. That is when we are at our best! We have take an entire lamb carcass, rub it down with herbs, and slowly cook it on a spit for hours, basting with a brush made of herbs. Yes, some people were really freaked out. Give me a break though, if you cant stomach to see where your food came from, you deserve to be a vegetarian! Sigh, sorry. Of all of this though, we have one thing that we have hid, cheated, and lied about for decades! Well, we may be a rather loose term. Those in my immediate family haven't had proper Croatian baking training to be in on the real secret, so it was not until my grandfather was passing on, that I got my first lesson in baking Pogacha and saw just how tricky the ladies in my family can be.

I went down to spend time time with my grandparents, and for the first time, I was really submerged into a mass of genuine Benac women who had been raised just outside of Chicago where my Grandfather was brought up in a Croatian neighborhood with his fellow Croatian immigrants. So, massed together I saw for the first time, the true power of generational recipes.

There is something so incredible to see how they are shared and passed on from mother to daughter for generations. My Aunt Liz got this particular recipe after taking my Great Grandma Sabina's hand measurements of flour, yeast and so forth and quickly scooping them into traditional measurement devices time after time to get a realistic recipe put together. She has now passed this on to the next generation. I did start this with telling you there is a really big secret. I know. This isn't me sharing my family history. Just wait one moment.

Ok, so back to when I was at my grandparents' house... my Aunts Liz and Ellen took me under their wing and did their part to Croatianize me. One night, in the midst of the worry and care, and we got together as girl friends in the middle of the night and cooked pogacha together. Grandma participated with delight as Zara (her sister-in-law and some sort of cousin) watched on with almost giddy anticipation, she wanted to be on the inside our our tightly held secret and she knew that if she just watched close enough with her 80 year old eyes, she might actually determine what it is.

You see, Grandma Sabina was known for her beautiful pogachas. They were a stunning yellow color, and family and friends always asked how she prepared it. They would watch the ladies in our family bake these over and over again, and yet still the mystery remained. The true question is, how with such scrutiny were we able to keep this secret to the golden hue? Simple, we lied. The bread is not such a lovely yellow because we added extra egg yolks. Though this is a favorite line used for decades, no matter how hard you try, add a dozen extra yolks, it won't make a difference in the world. After this sort of legacy, how was I, a novice, to keep it in the family without Zara witnessing our little slight of hand, after all, she had something to prove to her mother. We danced around the kitchen aid a flurry of flour and shortening, waiting for that one millisecond that Zara got distracted. We caught it at the same time, Grandma winked at me and I added the Benac family secret ingredient. . . 4 drops of yellow food coloring! Best part, after it all, Zara was none the wiser. The pogacha came out as golden as ever, and once again, we were able to gloat as she fumed that our bread is just better! I'm sorry, its in the genes.

Why do I share this now? Well I suppose it is because the rivalry seems to have belonged to a previous generation. That was a generation where neighbors would compare their breads, taking pride in the subtle nuances between them. Now, I am fairly certain that those older generations have all either passed on, or haven't the slightest inclination to search the blogosphere looking for buried treasure. These newer generations will have none of it. Why my own mother doesn't appreciate our tightly held secret! Oh, and not only does she not appreciate it, she pities Zara and the others finding it somewhat cruel that we even at that time of farewell, we found such pleasure in dear Zara's frustration. Well, fine. We may be horrible, we may be liars, but guess what? It is a bit of MY family history. It is something that actually brought my grandmother and myself closer together. I hadn't really enjoyed spending time with my grandma like that before, but in that one night as we baked with stealth and joy, our dirty family secret kept up together, the two of us against the world! Long live the new generations family secrets, I will defend you to the death!

*Oh, and the serial killer auntie... well to be fair, the town only speculates that she killed her husbands, and she lives in Croatia*

*Fly lady and me*

I come from a home where I did not have to worry about things like cleaning bathrooms or bedrooms, ironing, and so forth. Occasionally my dad would have enough of it and call us together on a Saturday to pass out garbage bags and make us follow him around the house on a cleaning death march. Years later, I still have not adjusted to the idea of making my bed daily, doing the dishes, or the real purpose of mopping floors. I purchased and read several home cleaning encyclopedias, worked on making time in my crazy schedule to a cleaning routine, and got desperate enough to hire myself a maid. What? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

When getting on the Dave Ramsey plan, I tried to cut costs where possible. After a blissful several months of coming home to a sparkling home courtesy of my "house fairy," I had to take matters into my own hands and get a cleaning routine that fit. Enter the fly lady.

Marla Ciley started Fly lady for those of us who need a bit more guidance in basic housekeeping 101. She has a series of routines that ask no more that 15 minutes a day to keep your home in order. Check her out. The nicest part for me was not having to hide in the living room when unexpected guests came to the front door, but instead I would let them in knowing that I had an orderly home that I could be proud of.

This week Fly lady's, her focus is on the kitchen. Here are a few of her simple kitchen steps. Go to her website to get the daily routine, and my ultimate favorite tool of hers, the weekly home blessing hour.

Ok so here is this weeks list detailed list. Not everything needs to be done every month, by on a rotating monthly schedule, everyting will be completed. Enjoy!

KITCHEN: DETAIL CLEANING LIST
1. EMPTY REFG/CLEAN THOROUGHLY
2. CLEAN MICROWAVE INSIDE AND OUT
3. CLEAN STOVE/OVEN
4. WASH CANISTER/KNICK-KNACKS
5. STRAIGHTEN DRAWERS/CUPBOARDS
6. WIPE FINGERPRINTS OFF WALLS
7. WASH INSIDE WINDOWS
8. CLEAN FAN/VENT-A-HOOD FILTERS AND HOOD
9. SCRUB DOWN CABINET FRONTS (only a few at a time)
10. CLEAN LIGHT DEFUSING BOWLS(GLASS GLOBES OVER
LIGHT BULBS)
11. CLEAN UNDER SINK/THROW AWAY OLD RAGS
12. CLEAN PET DISHES

*Happy Birthday Liberty*

I know that many of you were out celebrating today in style: parades, BBQs, fireworks and general family togetherness. All I have to say is, WHY NOT? Today is a day to celebrate Liberty! We join together and think of why is it so important to each and every one of us? The answer is simple in my eyes. Today I am grateful for the beautiful balance between art and science that Liberty gives us. The truly gorgeous perspective that she shares with us all. Her unique sense of style, her appreciation for the traditional mixed with contemporary elements. So today, we as a country salute you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARY ELIZABETH LIBERTY !

*A different kind of lesson with Penelope*

Some people teach children how to count, others teach them colors. What does Penny learn when she is here? Well, this last time we went over all sorts of important skills. My little chef stood on a stool and learned how to properly hold a chefs knife, how yeast works and also why it is that an oven ought to be preheated when working with it. She learned how to stack sage, roll it, and then create a lovely chiffonade, and appreciate great fragrances by wafting the smells from the oven or stove safely towards her nose. Not too shabby since she did potty training just last year. The next important lesson? If only I can get her to appreciate not just the smell but the taste of great food.
I heard her ask her mom if she knew that she would one day be a chef. Later when she burned her arm on a jelly roll pan, as we held it under cool water her tears where somewhat soothed when she sighed and agreed that chefs likely had to get used to that sort of thing.

*Mexican chocolate cake*

Here is a recipe that I found about 8 yrs ago that I loved so much that I used it for the groom's cake at our wedding. I had never eaten anything quite like it with the cayenne pepper, balsamic vinegar, cinnamon and the like. The result though is a bevy of dynamic flavors that is the furthest you can get from a bland cake. Try it out! It takes no time whatsoever, and is fun for kids to assist with as it is a dump and stir type of recipe. Bon appetit!

Ingredients:
Cake:
1 1/2 c all-purpose flour
1 c sugar
1/2 c unsweetened cocoa (I use dutch processed)
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper or ground Mexican chili powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 c cold water
1/4 c canola oil
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 tbsp vanilla extract

Chocolate glaze:
1 c confectioners sugar
1/2 c cocoa
6 tbsp water

10 fresh strawberries

Preheat oven to 350* Lightly coat an 8" cake round with cooking spray

To make the cake, simply dump all of the cake ingredients into a mixer and mix until smooth. Pour into a pan and bake for 25 to 30 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Cool in the cake pan for 10 min on a wire rack. Remove from pan and cool completely. (Note, I like to flip it out onto a piece of parchment paper to allow it to cool)

When the cake has cooled, whisk together the first three glaze ingredients. Dip each strawberry into the glaze and set aside. Pour the remaining glaze over the cake and arrange the strawberries on top. Set aside to dry, about 30 minutes.



*Variations: Sometimes I chose not to do the dipped strawberries, and sometimes I do them with alternating white and milk chocolate and instead of arranging them on the top of the cake, I circle the base of it. Today I chose to skip the strawberries alltogether and double to recipe to make 2 cake rounds that I split and made a 4 tier chocolate cake with the frosting in between each layer and then sprinkled powdered sugar over a lovely cake stensil for decoration. Simple and delicious!

*Charlie in sunglasses*

Yes, she is a total diva. . .

and she knows it!

*The morning after*

*Ladies after my own heart*


Tonight the ladies and I:

Made dinner from scratch
Set a lovely table
Tidied up the kitchen
Made smoothies
Went clothes shopping
Bought jewelry and various accessories
Loaded up on classics at the bookstore
Rearranged furniture to create lovely spaces
Snuggled up in down comforters and pillows to read books
Ate truffles
Took a bath before retiring


*All in all, a perfect night*

Pretty Penny with the cookbooks

Looking up in the craft room

A fun nook in the girls' room

*Images of home*

An arbor in the back yard covered in roses

a pretty place in the laundry room

Gigi playing in the garden

My new cherry tree springs to life

*Penny and Charlie come to visit*


PJ and Charlie came over today with Sarah to play at my home. I had some of their fun little things down at their eye level and then just watched them. We went outside and cut fresh roses, made lunches, played in the garden, and gave each of them digital cameras to take pictures of whatever pleased them. One thing that I loved watching is how Penny took my entertaining glassware and added it to the shelves in her room. All in all, a great day.
I love having the girls come to visit.

*Whats cookin'*

Today was another day of my vacation and my goodness, I love it. I set up many of the trinkets I found for the basement bedroom, read, talked to friends, and then decided to indulge. It has been overcast and somewhat stormy this afternoon, so I pulled out some of my favorite recipes and chose to make a rich french onion soup. This is a recipe that I got when taking a cooking class at Sur La Table and I had never realized that the true key to a marvelous onion soup is taking absolutely ages to caramelize the onions. So if you want remarkable onion soup without too strong of an onion flavor, go low and slow. My pot full of 4 large onions took an hour and a half or more to reach their golden potential. By this point, the bay leaves and thyme had fully permeated the onions. Later I tried my hand at a lemon meringue pie. Yummmm! Go ahead and try out the soup recipe and tell me what you think!

French Onion Soup

*Ingredients:
2 lbs medium onions, halved lengthwise, then thinly sliced lengthwise.
3 springs fresh thyme (if you use dry as I did, just know that it is more potent)
2 Turkish bay leaves or 1 California
3/4 tsp salt
1/2 stick butter
2 cloves minced garlic
2 tsp all-purpose flour
3-4 cup dry white wine
4 c reduced sodium beef broth
1 1/2 c water
1/2 tsp black pepper
6- 1/2 in slices of french bread
1 1/2 pieces Gruyere, Comte or Emmental
2 Tbsp finely grated Parmigiano-Reggiano

6- 8-10 oz flameproof soup crocks or ramekins

*Preparation:
Cook onions, thyme, bay leaves, garlic, and salt in the butter in a 4 to 5 quart heavy pot over moderate heat, uncovered, stirring frequently, until onions are very soft and deep golden brown. At least 45 minutes. Add flour and cook, stirring, 1 minute. Stir in wine and cook, stirring, 2 minutes. Stir in brother, water, and pepper and simmer, uncovered, stirring occasionally, 30 minutes.

While soup simmers, put oven rack in middle position and preheat oven to 350*

Arrange bread in 1 layer on a large baking sheet and toast, turning over once, until completely dry, about 15 minutes.

Remove bread from the over and preheat broiler. Put crocks in a shallow baking pan.

Discard bay leaves and thyme from soup and divide soup among crocks, then float a piece of the toasted bread in each. Slice enough Gruyere to cover tops of crocks, allowing ends of cheese to hang over the rims of crocks, then sprinkle with Parmigiano-Reggiano.

Broil 4 to 5 inches from the heat until cheese is melted and bubbly, 1 to 2 minutes.

Remember that the longer the onions caramelize and the soup simmers, the better. This recipe is easily doubled to keep half until later.

*Nesting*

There is something so magical about decorating. The best part of designing a room is the creation of something out of nothing, so today, I spent the day in a wonderland of my own making. I headed into a local design shop (Alice Lane) and spent hours invisioning the possibilities. It is a special time in a gals life when trusty and somewhat rusty Ikea couch and other and furniture disappear, and a feminine couch with sinuous-springs and kiln-dried hardwood take its place.

To decorate a space, first I go ahead and find an inspiration piece. When Mamie and I decorated Lucy's room, we started by taking a darling spode plate and pulled the colors into the rest of the space. Then, we threw together a basket full of items that "seized" her, and after pulling together a large pile, we began to see a theme emerge. After getting to her home, we just went nuts! We turned a wire wreath frame into a darling floral mobile above the bed, took old curtains and pulled them apart to line silky pink new ones, we swapped out the toddler bed for an cleaned up antique twin that Mamie grew up sleeping in, and created some beautiful spaces where Lucy could thrive. I had so much fun working to pull together that room and delighted in seeing how a newly created space could add such pleasure in a home.

As I have pulled together my own finances, I have seen what possibilities a debt free lifestyle can afford. I have pulled together files of inspiration photos for months and a week ago, the decorating stars aligned. Finally, I found a kindred decorating spirit out here. It can be hard though to come into my life and offer suggestions. Yes folks, I am aware. I know what I like and I have no interest in paying someone to come into my space to infuse their personality and taste. I have my own style that I love and am comfortable and confident in. What I am looking for is more of a consultant than a designer. I want someone to show me options, which rug companies have better prices than others, what textures to consider, and then have them step back as I pull it together myself. Suzanne does just this for me. It is amazing what life can be injected when someone comes into your space for the first time. The way they are able to see things dispassionately, and suggest a fresh perspective on furniture placement is so intriguing! She sketched out quick ideas of rooms for me to play with. I have taken these sketches and am now matching up pieces of furniture to the pictures in my head.

To start, I took my own advice and brought in a pillow from a crib bedding set I bought years ago that I absolutely adore as my inspiration. It was important for me to have each of the rooms in my home relate to each other as my house is small, and besides, I have a budget! I need for everything that I bring into the home to relate so that if I grow tired of a look, I can reach into a closet or another room and switch it up! So today, I polished off the look I want for my bedroom, and found the perfect touches for the girls' room in the basement and began my decorating binder. I will post some before and after pictures so that it ends up a bit of a collaborative effort. What about out there? Are any of you doing spaces that you are particularly proud of? Feel like sharing?

* I am. *

Daily, I get the opportunity to express who I am to myself and those in my sphere. I find it remarkable though, how often I seem to forget to magnify that. Today as I took a rare opportunity to garden and care for my home and space, I thought of an old quote, but a good one.

"Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson (often attributed to Nelson Mandela)

So when this came to mind, I chose to remind myself of who I really am. So often, I allow myself to downplay who I am, as is so common with many of us. I went through an exercise in a class I attended a year ago when they challenged us to verbalize what is unique about us, and to determine who each of us really is and why we each are here. Here is what I found for myself:

I AM a beautiful, powerful, inspiring, loving daughter of God.

Through beauty, power, inspiration, and love, I bring forth honor, assistance, empowerment, and healing, creating a world of passion, light, liberation and compassion where all of God's creation live in abundance.

The challenge is to never forget our purpose despite the daily activities. So, I feel it important to really share not only who I am, but ask my peers to do the same. Please feel free to share who you are.

*Brilliant things I have really heard at the bank*

1)I don't understand how I am overdrawn $800! I kept checking my balance and the more I took out, the more it said that I had!

*Hmmm.... How do I explain that there is no magical ATM fairy that adds money to the account the more you take out of it. Oh, a world with no pesky negative signs to obsess about.

2)My account is positive now, but for some reason, the overdraft fees have not been reversed! My husband said that now that we have brought it positive you had to do it. So hurry up and reverse all $600 of fees, NOW!

*Well, I will start by saying, I was willing to go ahead and be super generous and reverse half of the fees. I get it, life happens. I informed the client that this is a one time customer service courtesy. My thanks? Oh, she actually yelled at me as she informed me that all other banks reverse all overdraft fees automatically when accounts are no longer negative. Yeah, I encouraged her to go ahead and call around to compare me to anyone else. I know I'm more amazing than anyone out there. Well, she spent the next month checking with every bank and credit union in town, only to then return still yelling to demand the half I originally offered, and you should know that I never got a thanks either.

3) I will hunt you down and kill you if you don't reverse my fees!

* This threat while delightful over the phone at work, picked up significance when the client called the customer service number hours later to let them the now detailed plan of my demise. The good news is that I got a paid day off while the police got involved and the local preacher man went to visit the jail.

and my favorite comment in general because it is so often said and yet so rarely true:

4) I didn't authorize that charge!

* My job is to take these charges seriously and begin a fraud claim, but the fun is to milk the time to watch the interaction between my clients. It is amazing how long many spouses take to fess up to their spending money as I sit there very slowly filling out the many pages of forms. Yes ladies, he did sign up to and get that free trial offer, and gentlemen, those are her clothing charges to her favorite store. Thieves don't usually have such similar tastes. Eventually, through small talk and light banter, our little chats typically end with each of the clients making their confessions while sitting across from me at my desk. Ah they joys of playing marriage counselor. It's ok! I was in one of those couples last year too! There is hope for us all.

*The sweet life of a banker*

*Julie and Julia by Julie Powell*

From time to time, I get so excited about reading a book that I rush out to buy it thrilled at the prospect of coming home to dedicate myself night and day to its pages. Last weekend I felt the familiar pang when looking to get some Julia Child DVDs and the book Julie and Julia kept popping up. It is a story based off a depressed temp who decided one year that the best way to get her life put together was to throw herself headlong into a year of passionate cooking. She determined to do all of the roughly 560 recipes from Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking with brains, liver and all. What is not to like? Stories of a woman in Queens learning to butcher meat, extract bone marrow and all sorts of delightful ingredients! So, I made up my bed with the most lovely sheets, turned on my beautiful crystal reading lamp, and burrowed in. It was exactly what I did NOT want it to be. The prose was clumsy, course and reminded me of a teenager who was overly excited about swearing without getting in trouble. There was far too much discussion of her politics and conversations of how Republicans (her former employers) were the scum of the earth. Occasionally she focused on the experiences of actually bumbling through recipes, but often those were glossed over for trite observations and lewd dialog. Towards the end of the book, she actually talks about a interview she held with a reporter from The Times and Julia Child herself discussing the author's Julie/Julia project. She wept as she talks of how in the interview, it became apparent that Julia Child hated her. Julie sobbed and has a chapter of her grief at discovering that her idol considered her a twit. I knew I was in good company! I think she is a total twit too! So, it almost killed me, but I went ahead and finished the book last night so that I could get a new book today and move beyond her terrible, terrible book. So, if the book is given to you as a gift, you don't mind reading a thinly veiled poser's self indulgent journal, enjoy! I just have one thing to say. . . NOT IT!

*We are kickin' it into high gear*

Ok folks! I have had several people ask me about our progress with kickin' debt out of the house. I have gone from the greatest spender on earth to the gal who just had to call my husband in the middle of his dinner with some business buddies absolutely giddy to let him know that I just hit "send" on the final payment on his credit card! (Let's be fair, his name is on the card, but my clothes, furniture and necklaces are on the bill)

So lets do a debt count down:

Last year I had essentially maxed out the following-

1-a car loan
2-an Ann Taylor card
3-a Lowes Credit Card
4-my personal Chase Credit Card
5- CompUSA Credit Card
6-Brian's Chase Credit Card
7-a Bank of America Credit Card

All totaling over almost an annual salary.

They say that the number one cause of divorce is money fights and money problems. Please allow me to personally vouch for that. In November, I went ahead and decided that it was time, as an official adult, to act like one. (Yes, this may have something to do with the fact that I had recently started managing a bank and spent all day, every day teaching others that it is in fact a poor choice to spend more than they make) I finally decided to bid farewell to those days of buying everything I had ever seen, telling Brian that it had simply grown in the closet, or one of my mother's favorite lines, "Oh, I have had that for YEARS!" It turns out that it is even more gratifying to have a happy husband than delightful accessories. So, much to Brian's disbelief, I lined up each of our debts and began shooting them dead one by one. As of tonight, we have paid off all but the Bank of America bill!

It is time to finish strong and not lose focus. So where do we go from here? Well, I work for praise and rewards so I decided that was important to have the last credit card paid off by the end of August as my anniversary gift to Brian. I will pay off our second mortgage as a Valentines gift to us both, and then I have hired a designer to pull together some finishing touches in my house as my birthday present to me. Don't worry. Both she and the furniture will be paid for in cash up front! Sound like a plan? Yeah, lets see if I can keep up the momentum for another 8 months. . .

*Wish me luck*

*Heaven*

I have searched out heaven my entire life. I have sought it in home, in nature, in my family. I have battled back and forth between the theory of it, and the reality of heavens existence. Tonight, it is settled within myself once and for all. Heaven is real. It is sold at Williams-Sonoma in a tiny bottle for $21. So go on, buy yourself some truffle oil, drizzle over pizza, and experience heaven in the sanctity of your own four walls.

*Final Goodbyes*

What if this was the last time? My mother told me of a time she spoke to a cancer specialist who determined that of all the ways to die, he would chose cancer. I was horrified for years after only having shortly lost my grandfather to a prolonged painful battle with pancreatic cancer. It took until I started thinking of the family I began creating to revisit my stance. Shortly thereafter, I flipped. Though his perspective at first sounded so vile, so sacrilegious somehow, in this new role in life, it made much greater sense to me. No, I am not a person who is oblivious to the often horrific pain cancer causes its patients and therefore families. I have known people young and old who have died of it leaving their families. What I will say is that I also know those who have died in a moment. Those fathers who went to sleep, their snores alerting the family to their presence on a mundane day, who an hour later, ceased to be. Which is preferable? What an absurd question. It is one that haunts me though.

When my grandfather finally scummed to his cancer, it was time. We had all prayed that he would finally be able to move on. That he could be released from his broken body. Friends and family were able to spend months asking the questions they deserved answered, saying those whispered goodbyes, creating those final moments. We could sit with him in the bed, read allowed his life's stories, sing to him to bring comfort, quietly serve and honor him. Seeing myself now as a family member over an individual, this is my choice. It gives time for hurt to be mended, resolutions to be made, and plans drawn up. What about our friends and family who disappear from this life? Those who drift away in their sleep? I had always wanted to simply twinkle away. Painless. Instantly. Hmm.

Tonight I awoke disoriented. I was petrified. What if I never saw my husband again, my sibling, my spouse, my parent, my friend? What do I do with my time? What is my legacy for this world? What have I been doing with my life each day to honor those I live for? How have I let them know that I feel only adoration for each of them? How have I demonstrated that each of these people has made my life worth experiencing? Have I taught children around me to love? To laugh? To forgive? Have I demonstrated that true power is found only in the power that we have to serve others?



Yes. . . I am certain that each of you has pondered these things. I am no philosopher, and have no unique perspective to share. I know that none of this is profound, but at times in life, I have felt such intensity of "the moment" that it has choked me. I know that some who read this may consider it trite, but tonight the possibility of losing a loved one awoke me with shuddering sobs, heartache, and terror. I frantically called my husband over and over again until I awoke him on the other side of the country. I had to fill him with everything I wanted him to know should we be separated. So now what? What makes this any different than any other supposed epiphany? Nothing, unless I chose to make it different. So what am I doing? I am reaching out to all of you and letting you know how true the influence of family and friends in my life have been. I have little interest in acquaintances, those superficial passers by who refuse to be known, or allow others in to know them. I thank each of you for choosing to connect with me heart to heart and spirit to spirit. Thank you for forgiving me my folly, the pains that I have caused, the distance that I have shown.

Life is beautiful. People are my life. You are my life.