*The Game Plan*

Ok folks, I do best when I have some sort of accountability so here is my to do list

Today since I got off work early for the holiday and have admitted to slumming around lately I get to complete the following:

Make homemade clam chowder ( I made corn chowder yesterday but it wasn't as creamy as I like it to be)

Do two loads of dishes

Hang up the current laundry piles

Do two loads of laundry

Change the sheets and make the bed

Wash the fabric to make the table linens for Kelsey's wedding

Iron Linens and sew table cloths and napkins

Choose the ribbon for each set of linens

Whew! Well I will check in later and let you know how I do. Today has been a cleaning day both at work and now at home.

*****

Ok, it is now 11:15 pm and I have completed the following:

Three loads of laundry, three loads of dishes, washed the fabric for making linens, incredible clam chowder (roughly the third thing I have ever made that Brian said is good!) changed the sheets on the bed, hung my current laundry piles. Whew, a good night and I even got in watching waaay too much of my new obsession on television, Bones.

* I am unfortunately an open book*

Here is a little bit about me. When I am tired and stressed, a few things happen. First, no people are invited over. My home gets overwhelmed and dishes pile up on all surfaces. It starts to smell like cats, and their hair seems to follow wherever I go. My clothes stop getting hung up and instead get piled on my closet shelf. I stop changing my sheets every few days, and making my bed every morning. I start going to sleep later and later each night, and on the rare day that I don't work, rather than spend time with friends or working on projects, I sleep.... all day. One day I woke up at 1, today I got out of bed around 11, but then ended up taking a four hour nap in the evening and missed seeing my sister and her children for dinner. I stop cooking and doing the laundry. My car fills with bags of what should be happiness while at the same time, my refrigerator becomes bare. I have now recently added a new symptom to my list... I stop writing.

Right now, I am blessed in many personal ways. I love my husband. I love how he knows what is best for me, even when I hate him for being right. Fine, it is true that it is better for me to go bed to read and and get drowsy before he comes in. Yes, I am crotchety and toss and turn for the first hour at night, but by the time he comes in to blow out the candles, I am snugly and sleepy. I love that he has navigated the subtleties of my needs, and is supportive by allowing me to simply be without complaint.

So what is bothering me? I suppose that we all know that we become more vulnerable to stress from time to time in our lives for various reasons. Sometimes this is due to finances, family, or work. Currently, it is all of the above. It seems that the outside forces are more oppressive that I have been prepared to negotiate and of course, all of this happened to coincide as I thought it was an appropriate time to get off of my anxiety medication. Hmm... perfect recipe for disaster.

So how does one get past this phase when work will most certainly become yet even more stressful and difficult, when a family member has chosen to continue to indulge their absurdities causing pain and isolation, and to cope with it all, I fell off the wagon for a short time financially trying to buy some peace and happiness? I don't know. Tonight I decided that perhaps the thing to do was to simply chose to move on. So, tonight, I write. I have nothing to say except that I choose to rejoin the human race and I hope that you will indulge my rusty attempts. So, here is to cleaning, to budgeting, to writing, to forgiving, to managing, to cooking, to working, and to smiling. Wish me luck, and lets end this quarter in style.