*Boxing Day*

Now that the holiday season is over, just like you, I have the sad task of having to pack up what so many of us see as happiness. So, last night, I wrapped up my Christmas tree, filled my newly purchased ornament snapware, and removed all traces of Christmas from my home. It didn't upset me to remove the snowmen and nativities alone, but the gentle reminders of peace, love, and hope that we are all better than the news states day after day. Perhaps I shouldn't be so simplistic. Why do I look to these symbols to remind me to love a bit more, or trust humanity just a bit more than I would typically expect to? Well, because a bomber stepped onto a plane Christmas day and tried to create another horrific scene of panic and hopelessness. Perhaps because people who are "too qualified" and desperate for employment are being turned down for positions like the ones that I offer because they have lost their current jobs due to downsizing, the stars, whatever it may be. Perhaps because daily I have to look people in the face who are on track to lose their homes, their cars and so eventually their jobs. So, for me, packing up the advent calendar, the pillows, the cookbooks and other paraphernalia, was more significant than in years past. It was harder for me to put away those daily remembrances of the dream that we are better than the sum of our parts. That it will be OK. That we can collectively fix this, and that we get to trust more and judge less. So, for this new year here is to love, to safety, to security. And perhaps I will put up some hearts and glitter for Valentines day to remind me to once again love my brother.

*There is potential in this old house*

Sorry everyone, I was trying to email these to a few people, but it wouldn't work, so if you want to see some of the fun that is unfolding in the next week or two, enjoy. If not, no worries. PS- you might just get motion sick. Enjoy!

*The Game Plan*

Ok folks, I do best when I have some sort of accountability so here is my to do list

Today since I got off work early for the holiday and have admitted to slumming around lately I get to complete the following:

Make homemade clam chowder ( I made corn chowder yesterday but it wasn't as creamy as I like it to be)

Do two loads of dishes

Hang up the current laundry piles

Do two loads of laundry

Change the sheets and make the bed

Wash the fabric to make the table linens for Kelsey's wedding

Iron Linens and sew table cloths and napkins

Choose the ribbon for each set of linens

Whew! Well I will check in later and let you know how I do. Today has been a cleaning day both at work and now at home.

*****

Ok, it is now 11:15 pm and I have completed the following:

Three loads of laundry, three loads of dishes, washed the fabric for making linens, incredible clam chowder (roughly the third thing I have ever made that Brian said is good!) changed the sheets on the bed, hung my current laundry piles. Whew, a good night and I even got in watching waaay too much of my new obsession on television, Bones.

* I am unfortunately an open book*

Here is a little bit about me. When I am tired and stressed, a few things happen. First, no people are invited over. My home gets overwhelmed and dishes pile up on all surfaces. It starts to smell like cats, and their hair seems to follow wherever I go. My clothes stop getting hung up and instead get piled on my closet shelf. I stop changing my sheets every few days, and making my bed every morning. I start going to sleep later and later each night, and on the rare day that I don't work, rather than spend time with friends or working on projects, I sleep.... all day. One day I woke up at 1, today I got out of bed around 11, but then ended up taking a four hour nap in the evening and missed seeing my sister and her children for dinner. I stop cooking and doing the laundry. My car fills with bags of what should be happiness while at the same time, my refrigerator becomes bare. I have now recently added a new symptom to my list... I stop writing.

Right now, I am blessed in many personal ways. I love my husband. I love how he knows what is best for me, even when I hate him for being right. Fine, it is true that it is better for me to go bed to read and and get drowsy before he comes in. Yes, I am crotchety and toss and turn for the first hour at night, but by the time he comes in to blow out the candles, I am snugly and sleepy. I love that he has navigated the subtleties of my needs, and is supportive by allowing me to simply be without complaint.

So what is bothering me? I suppose that we all know that we become more vulnerable to stress from time to time in our lives for various reasons. Sometimes this is due to finances, family, or work. Currently, it is all of the above. It seems that the outside forces are more oppressive that I have been prepared to negotiate and of course, all of this happened to coincide as I thought it was an appropriate time to get off of my anxiety medication. Hmm... perfect recipe for disaster.

So how does one get past this phase when work will most certainly become yet even more stressful and difficult, when a family member has chosen to continue to indulge their absurdities causing pain and isolation, and to cope with it all, I feel off the wagon for a short time financially trying to buy some peace and happiness? I don't know. Tonight I decided that perhaps the thing to do was to simply chose to move on. So, tonight, I write. I have nothing to say except that I choose to rejoin the human race and I hope that you will indulge my rusty attempts. So, here is to cleaning, to budgeting, to writing, to forgiving, to managing, to cooking, to working, and to smiling. Wish me luck, and lets end this quarter in style.

*Signs of the times*

As I drove home through my regular route, I noticed a cute college age girl sitting on a darling picnic basket on a billboard with scrapbook writing. It was darling. Vaguely interested, I read the caption assuming that it was for one of the local housing communities offering bliss and a happy home starting in the 200s. Not quite.

"Birth control makes all other choices possible"
- planned parenthood

Creepiest billboard ever!

*P.S. I Love You*

I love it when you search my eyes. I love feeling you breath on my ear. When I hear the steady rhythm of your heart, I am daily grateful for the simple fact that I am in possession of it. I marvel at the way I fit into your arm nook, and that though we have been snuggling for thirteen years, each night we drift towards each other in our sleep, and each morning we find our arms and legs twined together as if they are only comfortable when colliding. I am the one with whom you have chosen to share your heart and hopes since we were children and I am learning to be a loving steward of those dreams. You are the most gentle man I know, and I am sorry that I have been the cause of callouses in your heart. I pray for our marriage to be the completion of our joy in this life. Thank you for accepting the fact that though I may be perhaps a touch dramatic, I attempt to use that gift to issue dramatic and true apologies. Thank you for being mine for the last seven years. Happy Anniversary.

Brad and Carli, simply the most lovely couple I have ever met

Berries in cream

Sea shells in the bathroom look good again

*Gilding the Lily*

Some things are encased in God given beauty. My friends Brad and Carli are so stunning in their wedding photos, I described it as a perfect ad for a life insurance commercial, you know, protect the ones you love? Guess what, she wears a touch of make up anyhow. I have young ones around me whose glow in their cheeks are like strawberries in cream. They still are dressed well. I love my bare feet. I still get pedicures. I have heard it said that God is truly an artist. Anyone who may doubt this need only look at his color palate and creativity to confirm the statement. And yet, he has given us Barb. Like any artist, she has only one name like Cher, Madonna, or Martha. Barb is an artist who has taken the beauty and simplicity of a shell given by God, and then gilds it, literally. She has taken the tacky out of shells on a bookshelf or the bathroom and has left little painted miracles in her wake where ever she may go. Forget less is more, sometimes, MORE IS MORE! This teal and gold conch version is mine. If you want your own, invite her over and perhaps the muse will strike again~

Facing the bed: a vintage fan replica, Annie's art, and my jewelry station (note the red accents)

Our bed:his side with the Japanese print with red pops, my side with the photo of our feet with red again on the bed.

On his side of the bed I have some oversize pillows that we are just waiting on a basket and my collage I made of tender things of our relationship with a red backdrop. I know, collages are silly, but mine rocks!

My dresser top with the old mirror, candles, and perfume. I feel like an adult when I have some lovely perfume on my dresser.

*My bedroom project phase 2*

Last time, I showed you my latest home improvement project when I installed wainscoting in my room. Today, I used Suzanne's great eye for arranging accessories (something which completely eludes me) and we went to town! It started with a trip to my accessory shop in the basement where we pillaged for candles, depression glass, a retro fan, and all manner of lovely things to pull together the space. Then, with the power combined genius, we started hanging mirrors, paintings, chandelier, and the like. All I am missing now are photographs of us blown up and cleverly arranged, my new silver sage rug, and a french market wire basket to hold my oversize pillows at bedtime.

Ah, the thrill of fabulous~

*Souvenirs*

My father traveled to Asia on a fairly regular basis when I was a child. I recall that though it was tough to see him go, it was always tempered with the satisfaction that when he returned, he came bearing gifts! I lived for these sorts of physical evidences of his love for us. A souvenir was his way of showing us that even when he was across the globe, we were there in his thoughts. I recall him bringing home paper fans, seaweed candy sticks (also known as yucky I taste like death sticks) and mega pumped up business class travel kits. I loved it when it was my turn to get the little black travel bag stuffed with mini toothpaste and toothbrush, sleep masks, floss, etc. This is something that I still look to see as an adult. Brian learned long ago, that when he goes on a trip, I delight in seeing (and have sadly come to expect) a token of his affection upon his return. In high school after a trip to Mexico, he came back with little rocks he collected over the week in every color of the rainbow. I would have never known it was possible to find a blue rock, or a yellow one let alone a perfect pink rock. After we were older and married, he went on a business trip to a work convention and knowing how obsessed I am with quality ink flow pens, he brought me home, to my utter glee, two gallon sized Ziploc bags of nothing but quality pens. It is now roughly 6 years later, and I still have an enormous box full of them, even after allowing a few sisters to raid my stash. Now that I am taking trips on my own, I have elected to continue this tradition myself. I have come bearing chocolates, books, and then most recently, a gecko.

Don't worry, you read it right. I returned from my latest romp to the humid land of Houston, and marvelled at the little critters that I just don't see in Utah. I was wooed by the lush grass, completely forgetting that in Texas, the grass fights back with an invisible terror-chiggers. I remembered that I was once again in the land of the cockroach and lizard. When I know that though I am in their territory, it is a temporary situation, I am able to enjoy the exotic nature of their existence. After returning home to my dry life in Utah, imagine my utter amazement then when I opened my suitcase two days after getting home, and something odd caught my eye. Right there, on top of my patent leather stilettos was an actual living creature. A gecko just ran onto my shoe and watched me, likely just as amazed that he had made it through the non-pressurized stowage cabin of the airplane as I. When I finally determined that I was in fact lucid, and this creature was here watching me, I went to get a glass to remove the new found friend. Returning just a moment later, he was gone. He may be in a nook of the still untouched suitcase, or perhaps scurried off to create a home for himself in the living room, maybe is is now fast friends with Mary Morey. Ooh, poor thing. I have a house of four bored kitties who love to chase flies and bugs.

*My only thought to my new house guest is good luck buddy*